How to manage conflict at work
Instead of avoiding it, how can we harness it for good in our careers?
No-one likes conflict do they? It’s one of the things we tend to run a million miles from at work (and probably at home too). Because it often means:
Anger
Resentment
Frustration
And a whole host of other really unproductive and unpleasant feelings and emotions.
When I coach professional clients, fear of conflict is always right up there as a talking point.
“That person’s just really difficult to engage with, so I tend to avoid them if I can. Even if I know they have the answer I need.”
“I think this is going to be one of these really difficult discussions. I hate those.”
“What I’m going to suggest may be unpopular, so I’m going to put it off another week.”
“I don’t want to be THAT person at work that everyone hates.”
Do any of those thoughts sound familiar? If so, you’re far from alone.
We’ve been schooled to see conflict at work and in relationships as purely a negative, bad, damaging thing.
And of course, so much of the time it is. Or it can be.
BUT NOT ALWAYS.
And that’s what we’re going to explore today, PLUS I give paid subscribers the essential tools and techniques I use as a coach to help you navigate “healthy conflict” at work.
FIRST! A SMALL ANNOUNCEMENT
Not content with one substack, I have just launched a new one! It’s very different to Lead with Intention but I reckon I have some crossover in terms of you lovely lot!
“Women on the Verge” explores what happens, what matters (and what doesn’t!) when you get to midlife as a woman. It’s free and the first article is all about…SLEEP. Plus a fair few “And Just Like That” references, because it’s our favourite hate watch am I right? I’ll likely be inviting some guest writers and interviewees over there as I gather steam, so let me know if you’d be up for that at some point!
Ok, back to our complex thoughts on conflict at work.
Why conflict can be a leadership strength
Here’s the thing: avoiding conflict might keep things “pleasant” on the surface. But underneath? Avoidance often means issues fester, resentments build, and decisions get delayed. And when you're stepping into leadership, that starts to cost you and your team.
At senior levels, your ability to face into challenge well becomes a critical skill.
That’s why I want to offer a shift in perspective.
Let’s stop thinking of it as conflict and start naming it for what it can be at its best:
Constructive challenge
Positive conflict
According to the Good Governance Institute, constructive challenge is one of the cornerstones of board effectiveness. It’s about asking the right questions - not to catch people out or grind things to a halt - but to improve the quality of decision making. To help surface risk. To create accountability.
And, crucially, it’s not just the Chair’s responsibility on a board. It’s everyone’s responsibility to speak up thoughtfully when something doesn’t sit right.
It’s not easy! Especially for new or aspiring leaders, or for anyone who’s spent years trying to be seen as “the safe pair of hands.” (You know the one: reliable, agreeable, non-confrontational.)
But if you want to step into a space where your voice influences strategy and direction, you have to learn how to bring challenge in a way that’s professional, purposeful, and respectful.
As the University of Dundee puts it, enabling constructive challenge involves:
Listening actively and staying curious
Using questions rather than accusations
Naming issues rather than personalities
And being willing to challenge ideas, not people
This is what psychologically safe workplaces are built on.
And when I’m coaching clients who want to lead with more impact, this is where we often start. By building the tools, the mindset, and the confidence to challenge constructively, even when it feels uncomfortable.
For Paid Subscribers: How to Handle Healthy Conflict at Work Like a Leader
Here are the coaching tools I share with clients to help them feel more confident navigating conflict and bringing constructive challenge into the room, even with tricky personalities or in high-stakes meetings.
✅ How to use the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model to handle workplace tension with confidence
✅ The 3 signs that a conflict situation is actually healthy and worth engaging with
✅ A step-by-step coaching checklist to help you prepare for difficult conversations
✅ Language swaps to help you disagree constructively and stay respected
✅ A practical mindset shift to stop deferring to senior voices and start owning your space
👉 Unlock this leadership coaching section by becoming a paid subscriber