How to...deal with difficult people at work
We shy away from potential conflict, but what if there was a better way to approach it?
I want you to imagine an onion.
Red, yellow, white, it doesn’t matter. (And if your eyes are already starting to water, I apologise, but you’ll see where I’m going with this in a minute…)
Side note, I discovered today that I am now seemingly allergic to kiwis? How does that happen? Answers on a postcard please…
Ok back to the onion.
It has layers. Just like we all do.
And that’s vital to your understanding of difficult people you may encounter at work, which is the topic of today’s leadership coaching session.
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Ok, back to the onion.
One of the most difficult things I encountered as a new corporate leader, was how to deal effectively with what we shall politely call “challenging stakeholders.”
AKA - the really difficult people at work, that you hate to engage with, because they are known to be difficult, but you have to, because they are in some way important to you and your role. Maybe they report to you. Maybe they’re a colleague. Or a senior leader.
Whatever your relationship, your internal dialogue might go something like this:
“I really need to speak to Dave about this. But I can see he’s not in the best of moods. I’ll leave it. But that will make me late on this deliverable as he’s a gatekeeper. But I can’t deal with him today. I’ll leave it. Now I’m worried about delivering this work late and so I can’t focus. I’ll leave it. Try again tomorrow…”
Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone.
So many of us shy away from difficult people and situations.
On the group coaching programme that I run, we are currently exploring strategies for leading a high-performing team. I’m using the established model, the Five Dysfunctions of Teams, as our base model.
And fear of conflict? Well that sits right at the heart of this model and formed a large part of our discussions.
And it’s completely natural of course. As humans, we are hard wired to see conflict as inherently “bad” and to therefore shy away from it wherever and however possible.
But…
What if your fear of conflict was preventing you from performing at work? From being as successful as you know you can be? And crucially, from showing the leadership impact you know you have inside you.
Not all conflict is bad at work. Next week, I’ll be sharing coaching advice on how to have “healthy conflict” at work as a core leadership behaviour and skill.
Today though I want to offer some practical advice (and lots of valuable prompts and questions for you, so you can do this for yourself this week) for you in navigating those “difficult people”. Like all the best advice, it’s going to seem counter-intuitive, but I promise you, it works.
Let’s take “Dave” (sorry Dave) and his general moodiness that is standing in the way of you approaching him and getting the information or insight you need to proceed with your project in a timely manner.
Here’s where you’re going to start (and yes, it involves an onion…)