How to..manage your emotions at work
Yes, we're going there today. Grab your tissues and let's go!
“We’re only human”, sang The Human League about a million years ago (well, it was the 80s - same difference.) And in a world where cars drive themselves and AI can write you a beautiful cover letter, it’s a good time to reflect on what it really means to be human in the workplace. And the role your emotions can and should play.
But first! I’ve bounced back from Covid, so thank you for bearing with me last week. I have just the 80 cigarettes a day cough lingering around, which is highly unpleasant but no longer contagious.
And I have selected a paid subscriber at random (I asked my daugther to pick a number for me mapped to names on a spreadsheet) for a free coaching session with me. I will be in touch this week to arrange this if you would like to take it up!
More surprises, bonus content and other good things coming up over the next few months for premium subscribers, as well as these advice-packed emails every week.
Now. Emotions. It may get…emotional…
I don’t know about you, but as a 20 something in my first corporate role, I had it drilled it into me that it wasn’t good to show my emotions at work. In the same way, the company (a PR agency) wanted us to wear suits that made us look 50 and not 24, they also wanted us to have poker faces at all times and to roll with the punches, never letting things get to us (or show that things were getting to us.)
Now, as a 24 year old living in London for the first time and working for clients that were older than me and often quite scary, I can tell you that I did indeed let things get to me sometimes.
In fact, I was often given feedback in my performance reviews that I was “too emotional” and that I wasn’t good at hiding my emotions on my face.
This theme continued, even as I got progressively older and more senior in my career
I always held this against myself as a professional. I beat myself up for it and wished to change. But the reality is this.
We are who we are. And that’s a wonderful thing. In fact, we need more authenticity and vulnerability from our leaders.
The trick is to manage your emotions so they become a help, rather than a hindrance in your career.
To show up in your wonderful, human, authentic way. That’s such a valuable tool for connection.
But be self-aware enough to know that when your emotions get dialled all the way up to 11, that’s when they can tip over into what we call the “shadow side” and they start getting in the way of your purpose as a leader.
For example. I am very passionate and interested in things. I’m enthusiastic and I love that about me. It’s a great trait as a leader and business owner and coach. I can engage and motivate people.
However, turn that up to 11 and my passion starts to become preachy at best (I’m so desperate for others to be as engaged as I am in something) and hectoring or even aggressive at worst (how dare they not be as interested in making this work as I am?)
Today' i’m sharing some practical ways you can take to reflect on the role your emotions play for you as a leader. And ways in which you can manage them (note, I’m not suggesting that you pretend you don’t have them - we’re not robots - yet!) to become the leader you always wanted to be.
Five actionable tips for emotional management:
Cultivate Self-Awareness: You know this is my mantra as a leadership coach by now. “What’s it like to be led by you?" This is your starter question so you can reflect on and understand your own emotions and recognise the impact they may have on your behaviour, your decision-making and crucially, the people around you. Regularly reflect on your emotional state, identify triggers, and assess how it may affect your leadership style. If you’re feeling brave, ask people for their feedback too and be prepared to sit, with no judgment, with their answers. Critically, don’t feel ashamed of your emotions, but do start to self-examine how and when they show up (those triggers) and how helpful or not they are in certain situations.