Mistakes, i've made a few. Part two...

Part two of our deep dive into common mistakes first time leaders make

Welcome back! I hope you’ve had a good couple of weeks. I feel like time is flying at the moment. In the UK, we’re smack bang in the middle of the Easter school holidays and whilst time off with the family is great, it’s always a challenge juggling that time with work that has deadlines to be met and objectives to be achieved.

There’s a whole series to be explored on parental and caring responsibilities and how you navigate that as a new leader groaning under the weight of new expectations. There’s some great reading out there already from writers like Jessica Grose and Anne Helen Petersen in the US and from Christine Armstrong in the UK. But I’d like to explore this specifically through the lens of aspiring leaders. How do you integrate all parts of yourself into a way of living and working that feels authentic and fulfilling as you step up to that next level? It’s tough, but there are answers. Let me know in the comments if you’re interested in more on this topic?

And if you’re wondering how to handle the four day week that some of us are experiencing after the bank holiday, try this primer below from the new “Monday Mojo” emails for paid subscribers of Lead with Intention.

Mastering your four day week

Ok, on with part two of our mini series on common mistakes new leaders make. (And how to fix them.)

Last time, we covered issues 1-4 below.

1. Confusing technical brilliance with true leadership skills

2. Not understanding your WHY as a leader

3. Seeking control instead of trust

4. Managing activity/outputs rather than coaching your people

Hopefully you found the thinking and potential solutions helpful, as these are fundamental to being able to lead thoughtfully, authentically and with purpose.

This time, we’re looking at some even meatier challenges:

5. Not having difficult conversations (that need to be had)

6. Gatekeeping the talent on your team (not letting them thrive elsewhere)

7. Not setting boundaries to protect your health and that of your team

Not having difficult conversations (that need to be had)

Hands up if you’ve ever shied away from a difficult conversation and then regretted it once the consequences became clear? I’ll guess that’s all of us at some time or another.

Navigating difficult conversations is one of the hardest skills you’ll learn as a new leader, but it’s also one of the most valuable.

I learnt this the hard way as I used to avoid these conversations at any cost, for fear of being seen in a bad light by the people I managed. I wanted to be popular as a leader. But quickly realised popularity is not the same as respect. And effective leadership is all about mutual respect.

In my naivety, and in avoiding these conversations, I wasn’t actually serving my team well at all. If I thought I was doing them a favour, I was mistaken.

In life and at work, it’s braver and more productive to address an issue rather than skirt it. You’ll not only benefit the person you’re talking to in the long term, but also your wider team and your organisation.

So how do you do it? I always stick with the mantra:

“Clear, Calm And Compassionate”

Stick with this and you won’t go far wrong. However difficult the topic, employ compassion, but be clear about what needs to discussed and why. Keeping calm and rooted in the rational helps you stay empathetic but not emotional.

Gatekeeping the talent on your team (not letting them thrive elsewhere)

Woo! Another hot button topic that takes me back to my days in PR agency leadership. For years, I mistakenly thought that I needed to keep my team together at all costs and forever. And yes, of course your aim as a leader should be to provide an environment that lets your team grow with you. And we all know that retention is key. But in the real world, this can’t always happen.

Budgets may bite, roles may not become open and people may want to flex their skills in a different way or a different industry. You should alway try and find them an avenue for that exploration within your organisation as a first resort. But if that doesn’t work…

Let them fly. If you have talent, nurture it at all costs, but recognise that part of nurturing that talent might be allowing them to try something and somewhere new.

One of the greatest joys in my own career has been watching people I hired as grads become incredibly talented professionals in a range of industries and careers. I know that if they had stayed at our old organisation(s) they may have got stuck, despite our best intentions and not explored where their skills, talent and passion really lay. And that wouldn’t have worked for them, for me or for our organisation.

And remember, they may come back to you, bigger and better, in the future (this does happen) and will remember that you encouraged and empowered them to do what was best for them at the time.

Not setting boundaries to protect your health and that of your team

This last one is the most important. As someone who has suffered from burn out in the past (and I’ll bet some of you reading this may be nodding your head in acknowledgement), I now know the importance of boundaries.

As a new leader, I was terrible at setting boundaries. I worked all the hours, responded to emails before breakfast and at bed time, and at weekends. I thought working longer and harder was the answer to the question: “are you doing a good job?”

It wasn’t.

And even worse, my own inability to set and respect boundaries for my own health, affected my team as well. They didn’t feel as if they could articulate their own needs for their health and psychological safety, for fear of being seen as inadequate or lazy.

Set those boundaries early and reinforce them often. Encourage and empower your team to do the same. Agree on what a collective sense of productivity and achievement looks and feels like (rooted in quantifiable goals), without you all burning out to a frazzle. And defend those boundaries with empathy and respect.

And finally…

Think about these tips this week and see if you can put any of them into practice. Reflect on them - do you recognise any of these challenges?

Is there a courageous and constructive conversation you’ve been avoiding, but know you need to have?

Do you know what your most talented team members need in order to thrive?

Are you setting healthy boundaries and encouraging your team to do the same?

Thank you for reading Lead with Intention. I put so much time and effort into it, as I really believe that leadership can be rewarding and fulfilling. But only if we do it right.

As a qualified leadership coach, I’m taking on new clients for April, so let me know if coaching is something you are interested in and I’ll talk you through what you can expect and why it might be for you. Shoot me an email at louise@narrativepurpose.com or find me on LinkedIn

And don’t forget, you can now upgrade to become a paid subscriber of Lead with Intention, so you can receive a coaching mojo email every Monday as well as other goodies and as a founding member, you can take advantage of your first coaching session with me at a preferential rate.