This question will change your life
If you want to lead others better, start with yourself. Here's how...
Welcome back and welcome new subscribers. As you know if you’ve been with me a while, this newsletter (and indeed my philosophy and approach as a leadership coach), hangs on one crucial question.
It’s a question everyone needs to ask of themselves if they are invested in becoming a more effective and empathetic leader. And it doesn’t matter where you are in that journey - you can ask this question at any time and get the answers you need to take you deeper and further in your leadership development.
More on that question in a minute. But a proud parent moment first. It’s relevant, I promise! My daughter received her school report this week (she’s 9) and amongst the academic feedback, I was struck by this comment from her wonderful teacher:
"H dedicates much of her time in school putting the needs of others before her own. She communicates empathetically with her peers and younger children and is very much relied upon and looked up to by children throughout the school."
Now - parental gushing aside - doesn’t that sound like a leader you’d like to have? Or be?
Empathetic communication. Puts the needs of others before their own. Can be relied upon. A source of inspiration.
We all know that social conditioning starts so early. And that girls can sadly, still be called “bossy” when they’re actively leading others. So it’s heartening to see such positive language used around proactive female behaviour at such a young age. And I certainly learn a lot from my daughter who inspires me every day!
Ok, back to the question…
If you know me well, you’ll know what’s coming…
“What’s it like to be on the receiving end of you?”
This is the first and most important question you’ll need if you are actively invested in your leadership development.
It leads you to honest self-examination and reflection, and gives you the keys to unlock your leadership approach and style in an authentic way.
It might (ok it will) feel uncomfortable as you confront your impact on others in all its messy complexity. But when you lean into what it is telling you, and are committed to doing the work, it can be transformative.
It was a question I was asked when I was studying executive leadership development in the NHS. And it changed everything.
It stopped me beating myself up because I wasn’t like some of the other leaders I saw around me. And it helped me connect deeply with my own unique strengths and use them deliberately and consistently in my own leadership practice.
Crucially, this question also helped me recognise the challenges of my own leadership style and approach, and reflect on how others might feel when confronted with me as my stressed out self vs my best self.
I wish someone had asked me this question sooner.
This isn’t rocket science. But it takes courage and commitment in practice.
Sadly, many leaders I speak to (or have experienced in the workplace), haven’t done this foundational work.
It is only by understanding who you really are (and your unique strengths and weaknesses) and the influences and events that have shaped your life and hence your leadership style, that you can truly get to grips with who you are now. What you have that no-one else has. And how powerful that can be - for good and the not so good - when you are leading others.
This isn’t easy work. It’s simple but it’s not easy
So a lot of people just skip it and lead in the way they a) see someone else doing it, even if that person is nothing like them or not even an effective leader and/or b) they put on a front and “act” like how they think a leader should act. Even if this means an exhausting amount of pretence and performance.
How to find your leadership style
If you’re ready to start leading in a more authentic and intentional way, then start with these prompts. Be honest and sit with the answers. Talk to people you trust to see if they agree. Then ask yourself what it’s telling you about how you might want to show up as a leader.
What’s it like to be on the receiving end of me?
Which leaders do I admire and why?
How do I like to treated by my boss and why?
How would I like someone to describe me as a leader? Why?
Do I think this is how people currently describe me as a leader? If not, where are the gaps?
What are my values? What do I prioritise in my own behaviour and that of others?
What are my unique strengths that I can bring to the table? How might that translate into my leadership style? How could I do more of that?
How do I behave when i’m under pressure or unhappy? How might that affect my leadership behaviour? What could I do about that?
And then…
“Am I prepared to lead in a way that feels authentic to me?”
You might think is a no-brainer, but it’s amazing how many obstacles we will put in the way of leading in the way that works for us. It might be preconceptions about how others will react, or certain company cultures (and their leaders) that try and convince you there is only one way - their way - to lead and be successful.
It takes courage to dig deep and to act on what your insight tells you.
Imagine going to work every day and feeling comfortable in your skin. Knowing that you behave in accordance with your values and your integrity. And that you are employing your unique strengths to lead as only you can.
Wouldn’t you feel better? More empowered? And more fulfilled? I know you’d be more effective too.
So start with one question. Sit with it and start pulling at the threads it throws up.
Trust me, it could change your life.
Thank you for reading Lead with Intention. As ever, I hope you get some insight and value, and I’m always up for a chat if you want to explore leadership coaching in more depth. You can email me direct or through my website.
The next issue will be in three weeks, not two, as I am taking a short break with my family in France once school breaks up for the summer and taking leadership lessons from my 9 year old no doubt!
A bien tot,
Louise