Time for a toxic dump?
How to tackle toxicity at work and within your team
Have you ever come from home from a long day at work and just burst into tears at the way someone spoke to you (or didn’t speak to you), or treated you, or made you feel? They might not even have been sad tears. They are more likely to have been those hot burning tears of frustration. You know the ones. When the unfairness of the way someone’s treated you burns into your skin like molten lava.
A conversation at lunch recently got me thinking about the out-sized impact of toxic behaviours and people in the workplace. Just as good leaders will have an influence on someone’s career in a positive way, toxic people can have just as much of an impact, but in a far more damaging manner.
(Sorry, this is literally the only thing that comes into my head when I say the word toxic. It’s Britney b…)
How should we define toxicity?
You’ll know it when you experience it. Toxic behaviours run the gamut - from verbal fireworks to passive aggression and from energy draining sighs to volcanic eruptions.
Think of the person that always nitpicks, is always negative and always critical. That never wants to join the team. That lists all the downsides and none of the upside. That sees the problems, but won’t contribute to the solution. Go further and you may identify deep-seated feelings of entitlement, arrogance and even aggression.
This could manifest in a number of ways throughout your organisation. You may be managed or led by someone who exhibits these behaviours. You may have a culture that is heavily influenced by leaders displaying toxic traits. Or you may be tasked with managing an individual who just doesn’t make your team work into dream work.
Personally speaking, I’ve been in the unhappy position of both being led by and leading, toxic individuals. And whisper it quietly…if we all take a second to be radically honest with ourselves, which is what coaching is all about, we may at times have displayed toxic behaviours ourselves. I know. But own it and let’s move forward shall we?
The net result of toxicity at work is that it negatively impacts everyone in some way, whether they realise it or not, and could be damaging your organisation’s productivity, effectiveness and reputation. And not least you and your team.
Toxicity permeates like a poisonous fog - seeping through the cracks and dripping down through the layers of your organisation and your team.
So what can you do about it?
Let’s bust a few myths around toxicity
First off, let’s dismantle a few common myths around toxic behaviour and the traits of toxic people at work. If you’re a long suffering colleague or manager of a toxic person, you may still be in denial about their impact. it might seem easier to live and let live. But let me pull you out of the darkness and show you the light…
Myth: “But they’re so talented, I just need to put up with their moods…”
It’s become a trope of many a TV show (think Mad Men and Don Draper), that talent and toxicity go hand in hand. That you can’t benefit from one without putting up with the other. That you must forgive the outburts, the moodiness, the unpredictability and the negativity, in order to sip from the golden cup that is their output.
Wrong. Let us not forget (spoiler alert) that Don Draper lost his agency as much business as he won for them due to his behaviour.
Consider the amount of personal leadership energy you have to invest in managing a toxic person as part of your team. Yes, they may mine a few gems now and again, but is the return on emotional investment really worth it? Think about all the other people and priorities that you could be spending time on that could actually move your organisation forward. And think about your own energy and how you can protect it in order to lead effectively and with empathy for the 99% of people that really welcome it.
You can hire new talent. And you and your team (and your clients) deserve better.
Myth: “If we let this person go, we’ll be short staffed and worse off than we are now…”
When I worked in a public relations agency, staffing was a constant challenge. And this led to difficult conversations about our people, specifically when we knew we had a toxic individual that was disrupting our team, our clients and our outcomes.
I started life as a manager believing that warm bodies were the cure for everything. That as long as we had enough people on a team, we could work any of the kinks out. That I could fundamentally change someone’s behaviour, just by being there and micro managing them. So that we could reduce, in agency speak, the “churn and burn” of our people.
I am now a leader much more focused on empowering and enabling, rather than micro-managing and forcing. And that pays dividends in terms of retention.
However, when you have a constant toxic energy on your team, retention becomes a meaningless construct. It’s pointless to focus your energy and your time on retaining someone that at best, won’t repay it and at worst, could damage team morale and organisational outcomes.
And even though you think you’ll feel the staffing squeeze after they’re gone - especially in this era of budget freezes - you really won’t, I promise you.
The lost hours of productivity will come back to you, no longer occupied with someone who doesn’t really want to be there. Your team will thrive and surprise you with what they can achieve when out of the toxic gloom.
So be brave. Have the constructive conversation. Find out if your toxic team member really wants to be here. Then support them in finding happiness.
Your toxic toolkit as a leader
Protect your headspace. Remember the saying, “you can’t control other people, but you can control how you react to them?” This is your new mantra for you and your team. Let them know that their own path is the only one they should be concerned with. And remind that their head space (and yours!) is precious real estate that should not share with toxic interlopers.
Create respectful boundaries. Boundary setting is so important and we should talk about it more. Ensure that all members of your team are signed up to a common set of agreed behaviours and values - “how we do things around here” - ideally, you’d create these together. Even better? Work as a leader to ensure that positive organisational values and behaviours are embedded across the organisation. That’s a huge topic for another time and one of my sweet spots. We’ll get to it soon in this newsletter.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Some forms of toxic behaviour come in the form of acting out or creating arguments just for the sake of it. I know, fun right? But you don’t need to encourage this. Pick your battles with this person and know when it’s worth (constructively) fighting for. Then let the rest wash over you unless it becomes personally harmful to you or a member of your team.
Do sweat the harmful behaviours. If you witness, or are subject to, or are informed about harmful behaviours in the workplace, speak up. Most organisations have a safe space policy for letting individuals speak up confidentially, but as a leader, you also need to create a climate of psychological safety disclosure - meaning, create a safe environment, where your team know they can talk to you in confidence and without ramifications for them.
Extinguish the gaslighter. Gaslighting at work is another topic close to my heart and i’ll write more on this soon, as it is a pernicious behaviour and one of the trickiest to navigate in the workplace. In the short term, all I’ll say is that creating a circle of trusted connections at work makes the gaslighter’s job more difficult. They thrive on letting you think they are the only voice worth listening to, then they fill your head with unhelpful and sometimes career-limiting thoughts. Drown them out.
This is such a big topic and I know we’ll have our own experiences of dealing with toxicity at work. It’s not something we’d typically share in a wider group, but if you do want to share anything with me in confidence - maybe approaches that you’ve found are effective as a leader in dealing with this, or your own experiences that you are finding challenging, I’m here to listen and to help.
And finally…
Think about any challenges your team may be experiencing this week, and consider if you have any toxic energy at play within that team or within your wider organisation.
How would you spot it? How would you tackle it? Hopefully the insights and tips above give you a good starting point.
Thank you for reading Lead with Intention. As a reader-supported publication, it means a lot to have your support through reading the newsletter and offering me your feedback. I really hope it helps you on your journey as a leader.
If you’d like to go further, I’d love you to become a paid subscriber of Lead with Intention, which means you also receive a coaching mojo email every Sunday night for the week ahead, as well as other goodies and resources. It costs about the same as a large coffee per month and would be a much appreciated sign of your support!
Additionally, as a founding member (currently £150.00 per year), you can take advantage of your first coaching session with me at a preferential rate.
As a qualified leadership coach, I’m always happy to chat if you think coaching support might be right for you. You can shoot me an email at louise@narrativepurpose.com, find me on LinkedIn or schedule a quick call on Calendly.