Want to be a better female leader?

Here's the one skill you need to master...

Dear leaders! Today’s newsletter is a very practical look at the one skill every female leader needs in their arsenal. I’d go so far as to say it’s a non-negotiable. Everyone will have their own style and approach. But you need to do it well in order to lead well…

Please note - this newsletter is focused on women as all the data shows that we are still so far behind when it comes to leadership roles. However, I know these tips are equally applicable to anyone wanting more impact as a leader. And of course, I know we have advocates and allies in our community! Let’s get into it…

“Communication is the sister of leadership”

I’ve long used this quote (John Adair) when making the case for better communication at leadership level (and for giving professional comms leaders a seat at the table).

Learning to communicate clearly, effectively and with empathy, makes you a better leader. Here’s how…

I’ve spent more than 20 years working in Communications (most recently as a board-level Director of Corporate & Employee Communications) and I can tell you that there is no more effective leadership tool than good communication.

Have you ever wondered what great leaders have in common? Good ideas, sure. Charisma, yes. Unshakeable purpose, absolutely. But here’s the vital thing that connects them:

They are all powerful communicators. They know how to use language to persuade, convince, advocate, challenge, negotiate, empathise and understand. They understand that clear communication is an enabler to good decision making, effective teams and leading change. 

They use language not just to speak, but also to understand. 

Do you have these leaders in your workplace? I bet they’re not only effective in their role, but that they’re also thriving. Whenever I feel as if I am truly understood - with my words and my actions - then i’m a lot happier in any situation, whether it be a work context or at home. 

Conversely, when I’m struggling with communication and being understood (and listened to), that really affects my morale and my motivation.

As a woman juggling a career with the demands of family life, poor communication hits me right in the gut at home too. After a long and tiring day, it can take just a few poorly chosen words to turn a small issue into a larger fight. And I’ve noticed a positive difference when I am more intentional about the way I communicate with my husband and daughter.

So if communication is such an important part of our working lives and leadership journey, why do we struggle with it so much? This is something I think about all the time as a leadership coach and specifically as a woman.

Yes sadly, we still have these entrenched and antiquated attitudes around how women are expected to behave and speak in the workplace - there are still too many cultural stereotypes around women being “bossy” instead of “assertive” and “emotional” instead of “passionate”. And many of us (not just women), can find it hard to ask for what we want in a clear way. This has to change if we want to grow as leaders and take our rightful place around the management table.

Based on my years of professional experience, and now as a leadership coach, i’ve identified five key lessons in communication that we can all learn and use, whatever the situation.

Try them out - at work or at home - and let me know you get on!

1. Stop hedging, apologising and caveating:

Think about these phrases - “not sure if this is right, but…” “I could be wrong, but what about…” “this may be an obvious thing to say but…” “sorry to bring this up but…”

Do you recognise them? These are often the types of phrases many people (again disproportionately women) use at work, when they have something to say, something to offer, and don’t want to come across as too assertive, for fear of being labelled pushy or aggressive. But the problem is, whenever we use them, we aren't being clear or intentional about what we mean to say and do. We may think it’s helping us navigate a male-dominated environment but all it actually does is pander to people’s out-dated perceptions of women in the workplace. And it means we don’t get what we need, because we don’t say what we need.

Eliminate these phrases from your vocabulary today!

2. Own your seat at the table

Have you ever taken a seat at the back or the edge of the room for an important meeting? Given your seat up around the table to a man? Our actions and mannerisms speak as loudly as our words in terms of communication at work. We need to pair assertive, clear language with assertive, clear body language.

Take your seat at the table. Lean into the conversation. Use your hands when you speak (it takes up more space!)

3. Connect the dots (and the people in the room)

Part of being a powerful communicator is being able to draw people in and draw people together. It takes empathy and attention. This is where women excel! And can lead to very powerful conversations. Whenever you’re leading a conversation, do your best to bring people into the discussion, seek broader viewpoints and be intentional about listening deeply. You’ll be surprised at how transformative it can be.

4. Don’t be afraid to take your time

One of the things I often coach professional women on is not being afraid to take a pause, and take a beat, when they are asked something challenging. Too often, we rush into a response in our haste to make it look like we have all the answers. This can backfire, as it may provoke more of an emotional or reactive response than we intend, due to the speed at which our thoughts come tumbling out and the way we may feel about the question. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “that’s an interesting question, let me reflect on that for a second and I’ll come back to you with a fuller response.” This gives you time to take a breath, filter and then respond. And it’s helpful in a job interview too!

5. Speak “human” and skip the jargon

This is my favourite tip for any leader wanting to improve their communication skills. The best messaging can get hidden beneath layers of jargon. So the very best communications professionals and leaders understand that simple isn’t dumbed down - it requires much more skill to deliver a message in a way that anyone can understand and then act upon. 

We are indoctrinated as emerging leaders to parrot the latest management jargon and to build complex “non-answers” to difficult questions. But who does this serve? Does it help us as leaders reach and connect with the people that work for us and with us? Does it help us convince customers to trust us and buy from us? The answer is typically a resounding no.

Imagine if every leader spoke in a more human way. If when holding a company Town Hall, your CEO spoke to you as a human being and not as a walking corporate dictionary. If when faced with a difficult question, they answered it.

It comes back to empathy and understanding. The root of all effective communication!

The great news about these tips is that you can take any one of them and implement it immediately. Try it out in a safe space at work. See how it feels. See how YOU feel when you communicate with more intention, clearer purpose and empathy.

Let me know if this helps! I’d love your feedback as I plan out topics for the rest of this year, so let me know what leadership challenges you encounter and what sticky questions you have about stepping out as a leader for the first time.